The blue box appeared from nowhere, with a strange thrumming sound. A door opened and a sprightly figure wearing a blue pinstripe suit offset by red sneakers stepped out. His quiff blew in the swirling wind that lashed around the box.
From behind him emerged another inhabitant from the box, a small canine-like robot.
“Know where we are?”
The robot scanned , twisting it’s ears. Around it twirled multi-coloured images of emotions. Shame, guilt, anger, criticism, unworthiness, inadequacy all spinning and tumbling in a mad rush.
“Affirmative. A mind.”
“And not just any mind. Something’s not right here. ”
The man reached inside the suit, took out a pair of thick-framed glasses and putting them on gazed around, frowning slightly as he searched the horizon.
“Ah, there you are.”
He focussed onto a dark mass a distance from where he stood, from which the surrounding maelstrom of emotions was emanating from.
“C’mon K-9, let’s explore.”
The winds increasingly buffeted them as they approached the mass. The man had to lean forwards, his jacket tails blowing backwards. His heroic quiff remained in place however. The robot struggled behind him.
“I can go no further master.”
“Go back to the TARDIS. I will think of a plan.”
“At the last minute.”
“That’s right…wait…what did you just say? Last minute?!”
The robot stopped and slowly turned around. The man watched with a wry smile before he turned back to grimly face the mass.
” Last minute ..me? Nah. Allons-y”
The wind was so strong now he could barely stand. The emotional torrent brought tears to his eyes, the pain he felt was immense. It took all his strength to look into the swirling, dark mass with its tendrils of negative emotions. Shame nearly brouht him to his knees. Guilt made him want to hide. Criticism cut into his skin. Sadness overwhelmed, driving him to his knees.
“YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME”. The voice resonated around him, deep and despondent.
“YOU ARE NOT WORTHY. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HERE” It’s almost too much now. He falls forward, onto the ground.
“YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE ME.” He rolled onto his back, the physical agony almost taking away any thoughts of his own.
“YOU ARE NOTHING, FOR I AM DEPRESSION.”
The man clawed at his jacket, managing with his failing strength to reach inside and pull out an object from his pocket. Lying there, nearly broken by the dark mass looming over him he suddenly shot out an arm, in his hand the object from his jacket. A light emitted from the object.
“No, I am not nothing”. There is a faltering in the wind, a hesitation in the mass.
“I know compassion.” He rolled up onto his knees, one hand supporting him, the other continued to point the object towards the mass.
“I know self-care. ” He staggered to his feet, as the wind started to die down and the mass started to shrink.
“I know acceptance. I know values.” He stood upright, the bright light emitting from the object matched by the shine from his eyes. The wind had become a breeze, the mass shrinking smaller and smaller.
“I am the Doctor. You may have heard of me. ” The wind had dropped, the mass was now the size of small ball. It stopped spinning.
“This mind. This beautiful, complex, flawed mind, full of dreams, history, stories, hopes that you wouldn’t begin to understand. So brilliant it can comprehend it’s own existence and the existence of 7.6 billion other minds. This mind, like all those others, so flexible and imaginative, it can create and understand amazing things ….like algebra…poetry…and quantum physics…art…knitting, I mean have you ever tried crochet… medicine…music…writing. Minds full of love and joy..and yes, sadness.”
He stepped forward, the small mass level with his burning eyes.
“You, depression. You have no place here. You who doesn’t know love or hope. You who does not care. You are not wanted. Yet you will stay, just a small part of this mind. BUT you will not be in charge. You will NOT control. ”
He stepped even closer to the mass.
“This mind is protected.”
The door opened and the Doctor stepped back into the TARDIS. K-9 rolled forward.
“Merry Christmas K-9”
This post was inspired by a real doctor (thanks Ray) who tweeted an abbreviated version of this quote several weeks ago and it stayed with me:
“Heroes are important. Heroes tell us who we want to be but when they made this particular hero they didn’t give him a gun, they gave him a screwdriver to fix things. They didn’t give him a tank or a warship or an X-Wing, they gave him a call box from which you can call for help and they didn’t give him a superpower or a heat-ray, they gave him an extra heart. And that’s extraordinary. There will never come a time when we don’t need a hero like the Doctor.” – Steven Moffat
So this post is dedicated to all the real doctors and therapists who I have met (many vitually) who have helped and inspired me towards managing my depression. Their work saves lives and allows people to thrive, which I hope they remember when they work through their own challenges. Which they have, they are human and not an alien like the Doctor. There is a great community to tap into, which shares knowledge and information via books, podcasts, blogs and articles. And Doctor Who quotes.
Lastly a special dedication to Dr Brown, the GP who understood me and to Niki, who through therapy helped me to say the word depression and so much more.
Hope you enjoyed a slightly different blog post.Merry Christmas.
The last post of 2017 will be next week and about an idea for 2018 I hope you can join in with.
Dr Who image and characters all copyright of BBC